dealing with narcolepsy, wedding planning, a law degree and some new fitness goals…

Dear Diagnosis

“Dear Diagnosis” is a Blogathon started by Julie Flygare inviting all narcolepsy and chronic disease bloggers to write a letter to yourself on your diagnosis day.

I graduate from University tomorrow (well technically, seeing as it’s 205am, I graduate “today” – thank you narcolepsy and your late night inconveniently timed alertness).  This has been an extraordinarily tough week for me.  Just my exams are done, graduation is approaching, I cut back to one lovely part time, 3 day a week job, right when things start to settle down… I experience several paralysis episodes that were extremely frightening.

I have been meaning to write my “Dear Diagnosis” for several weeks now, and this felt like the right time.

Dear Nic,

I know it feels a little bitter sweet to finally have those words in black and white in front of you.  I also know, that you have known that these words were coming.  Relish in the relief you feel now to actually have a diagnosis.  So many others wait so much longer than you and have to fight so much harder to sit through those tests and be referred to the right places.

Some days you will feel like narcolepsy consumes you.  Some days it will fill you with fear, the unknown, ironically you will lay awake at night filled with questions about the future, marriage and babies and your career.  You will wonder many times if a Law Degree was too high a bar to set and you will not recognise this new person who questions her limitations and boundaries and who actually says out loud to people “I cannot do this”.

You will learn that saying “no” is ok, that setting limits is important.  Don’t bite off more than you can chew.  But, stay busy.  It is incredibly important for you to feel like you are accomplishing things and making the most of every moment.  You can do this.  You are strong and brave and clever and you have a brilliant brain that will amaze and surprise you constantly.

Stay grateful.   Don’t stop dreaming 😉 (like you have a choice!) You have so very much to be thankful for.  Life is beautiful and you will come to appreciate the wakeful moments more than anyone else you have ever known.

You will quickly learn that you are not narcolepsy and narcolepsy is not you.  You are a person who happens to have narcolepsy.  You also have blonde hair, big feet, scars on your knee from riding your pushbike and a penchant for cheese and olives.  Narcolepsy is a part of you now and it always will be, but it is not all that you are.

Do not get frustrated when people do not understand because, trust me, they will not understand.  Just remember that there was also a time when people didn’t understand diabetes.  Be vocal but stay calm, be persistent and determined.

You will inspire.  You will succeed.  Your path will be so very different to how you ever imagined it to be.  But it is a beautiful path nonetheless and it is your path.

Don’t be scared, even though everything that you hoped wouldn’t happen, will happen.  Your symptoms will steadily worsen, your cataplexy will become obvious, even to strangers, and yes, the paralysis will come, and it will be scary and you will be terrified.   But you will be ok.

You will find that through all of this, while your head is in the clouds and you continue to dream big, this amazing man (your soon to be husband) will absolutely astound you with his devotion and love. You will learn that the words “sickness and health” mean so much more than you ever realised.

No matter what happens, each time you wake up from a nap you will see so much love staring you right back in the face, so stay grateful and look forward, always.






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busy little bee

My apologies for being slack with the posts of late.  I have been very busy!  I have started a new job that I am really enjoying, I am finding it both challenging and rewarding and I am learning a LOT!  5 days a week is keeping me very busy, plus 1 day a week at the law firm and I have also started summer school.

What’s that you say about burning candles at both ends or biting off more than you can chew!?  I am slowly getting into a schedule for myself and am getting on top of things however my fitness has certainly not been amazing these last few weeks.


I have discovered a new flavour of ice cream – Connoisseur Chocolate Obsession.  My previous favourite ice cream was Mövenpick Chocolate.. Connoisseur leaves it for dead..!  It has a cherry brandy sauce swirled through it and it just might be the most delicious thing I have eaten all year… I am too scared to look at how many calories are in a scoop.

So other than working, studying and pigging out on ice cream I have not done very much else!l 

I did have a lovely time a few weeks ago – I have mentioned previously that there is an amazing group of women that I met through the 12wbt – we all share a common goal of weight loss aspirations, are of a similar weight and we all have weddings to attend soon that involve donning a bikini as they are in tropical locations.  We have all really bonded and they are an endless source of support, encouragement and inspiration.  One of the “Bikini Girls” was here in Queensland on holidays so we were able to meet in person, we went to the beach and had a jog/chin wag.  It was so much fun to meet her and we both felt like we could have chatted for ages and ages.  It is a beautiful thing to see new friendships forming in your life.

I am resolving to get back on the exercise band wagon this week.  I have been so slack.  My weight loss has still continued to slowly drop but at a much slower rate as my diet has not been as disciplined.

I am now taking a double dose of my medication each morning (2 x tablets) which seems to give me a good start to the day, then I am averaging only one further tablet around lunch time.  I am constantly on my feet running about a very busy store with my new job and I am finding that the vibrancy of the new job is really refreshing and well suited to me.

I am starting to realise that I will continue to feel exhausted when I first wake up for the rest of my life, but I am trying very hard to change my mentality when I wake up each morning, so I try not to lay in bed to get “5 more minutes” anymore.  Instead I force myself to get up and have a coffee and take my medication.  About 5 minutes later I am feeling excellent and no longer sleepy.

And yes, as you may have picked up – I have started drinking coffee again after 10 months of abstinence.  Amazing how quickly you get back into it and need it again!  Old habits die hard I guess!

I am keen to start a new diet in 2013.  There is a great deal of information that suggests that a gluten free diet is very beneficial for narcoleptics.  So I am going to give it a go for a few months and see how I feel.  

Additionally, my summer school subject is Animal Law.  It is incredibly confronting to be faced with things that I have continually swept under the rug in relation to how meat is produced.  I am not sure that I am comfortable continuing to eat meat that has been produced in this way.  Am I a potential vegetarian..?  Me?  The “I love steak girl”?

More to come on all of this, I just wanted to say hello to the internet land and confirm that I am still here and awake!

More updates soon!



A favour to ask!! – FDA submission letter

There is a very inspiring lady in America by the name of Julie Flygare who is also known as the REM runner, she does wonderful things to help raise awareness about narcolepsy.  I find her an incredibly motivating and inspiring young woman.  She studied law and was diagnosed with narcolepsy mid way through her degree. (sound familiar?!)  She is a narcolepsy advocate and really embodies my views about improving public responses through education and understanding.

Yesterday Julie attended a meeting held by the Food and Drug Association in America. (the FDA).

Image courtesy of www.julieflygare.comThere is currently an opportunity for us to submit letters to the FDA in the USA in relation to a groundbreaking new patient-focused drug development initiative  – to better inform the FDA’s drug and biologics review process with input from patients who experience particular diseases or conditions.  Narcolepsy is just one of 39 disease areas nominated for the FDA’s consideration. (Details here)

Only 20 disease areas will be chosen.

Julie has confirmed that the FDA will count the number of responses by disease and it WILL matter which communities showed strong support.  The Director of the Office of Planning and Analysis at FDA has emphasised the value of written comments received by the FDA.

I see no reason why we cannot offer our support from Australia (or any other country you happen to be sitting in when you read this little blog of mine!).

Any further developments and breakthroughs in relation to narcolepsy in any country can only provide benefit to us all in the long run. Please take the time to fill out the letter I would really appreciate it. The template is really well set up and easy to complete 🙂

Instructions can be found here:

Submissions are due by 1 November.  This is 5 minutes of your day that could really make a great difference to many lives!

Thank you in advance!


(I’d also like to thank Julie for allowing me to blatantly plagiarise some of her words in composing the above post – and also for all her work in putting the template and easy to follow instructions together)

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love eyes

It is incredibly beneficial to receive support from people who are going through the same thing.  This has been equally true of both the 12wbt forums and the narcolepsy forums that I have joined.

There are 2 narcolepsy forums on facebook that are particularly active.  A common theme in one forum is often people venting because they are frustrated with their partners attitude, lack of support or understanding.  It must be really difficult to live with someone who is constantly tired, who avoids social situations and who wants nothing more than to lay in bed and sleep all day.  This is surely compounded when you add the additional responsibilities of raising a family.  Everyone is human, and it seems that some people deal better with this situation than others.  I hadn’t fully considered the effect narcolepsy can have on your relationship before joining the forums..

Babyo.. You rock!

You see the thing is, I am so lucky.  My wonderful fiance is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I tell him this constantly, but I don’t know if he really understands.  He never ever complains.  He sends me little text messages all day to see how I am doing.  He sends me messages about an hour after he leaves the house, I know he does this to check I am awake and haven’t fallen back asleep.  He messaged me yesterday when it was hot to ask how I was doing.. (I tend to get a lot sleepier when its warmer).  I never ask him to do these things, he just does them.  I spent all day studying the other day (exams are fast approaching)… after a long day at work on his sore knee he didn’t flinch, he just made us dinner and came in for a kiss and to tell me he loved me.

I am so conscious that I am so lucky.  I read so many stories from people with unsupportive partners. People with narcolepsy who have partners who whinge and complain about them being tired all the time. People doing the 12wbt who have partners who complain about having to eat healthy dinners and to accommodate exercise routines.  I feel bad for them, because my fiance is just so great.  He is my best supporter.  The worst thing he has ever said about my narcolepsy is that sometimes, he really misses my company when I am off sleeping and something fun is happening.

Some days, (when I am being a grumpy little tired so and so)  I really don’t know why he puts up with me.  I can never truly express in words how thankful I am for his consistent insistence that we were meant for each other.

So basically this post is just a little update to tell him how much I love him, how grateful I am for his constant unwavering support, friendship, love and understanding.  You are the best babyo! x

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Small humans.. (aka babies…)

One of the things that my fiance and I will have to consider in the next few years is babies.  Yep.. there you go. I said it. baaaaabiies.  I’m 30.  You fall in love, you get married, you have a wonderful life, you ruin it with some children.. that’s how it goes right?!Image

I’ve been waiting a while for this i-want/really-really-need-a-baby woman gene type thing to kick in, you know, the “clock” that everyone bangs on about?

Quite frankly, I am fairly terrified by the concept.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my nephew, I think he is a gorgeous bundle of sweet smelling (usually) cute faced very kissable and pinchable goodness.  However, my very very absolute favourite thing about my sweet little nephew is that I can give him back to his Mummy at the end of the day.

The whole idea of giving up a nice big chunk of my foreseeable future to watch a small human get slowly larger and larger and finally grow up and tell me he hates me just really doesn’t appeal to me much.  Yes I realise it is different when they are yours, yes I realise that some fabulously wonderful hormones kick in and screw up my brain and make me think that a baby, (well MY baby), is the best thing since sliced bread..

But honestly, when I think about babies, I think about lack of sleep!  I think about broken sleep!  I think about waking up in the middle of the night because this small screaming thing wants you.

Anyway, I went to a wedding on the weekend and thank goodness, it was largely a child free affair.  A friend has just had a baby 8 weeks ago so she was given special bride approval to bring her new baby along.  Lovely little thing that he is, he pretty much just slept and made sweet baby noises all night.  His Mum hadn’t danced once the whole night, so feeling quite guilty at being able to liberally waltz around and do whatever I pleased while she sat there with a bundle of baby in her arms.. I asked if she would like me to hold him for a while so she could enjoy herself a bit.  I wouldn’t say she threw him into my arms, but she certainly didn’t hesitate.. so there I was, on a couch, with a baby.  I will be honest and say, he wasn’t so bad.  He was quite warm actually and a good little cuddler.  So then I start to think ok maybe it isn’t the end of the world if we decide one day eventually, possibly that we would have a baby.

ImageGetting diagnosed with narcolepsy has made me really think long and hard about whether this is a great idea.  My fiance wants kids.  Quite badly, he can’t wait to be a Dad.  It is one of the reasons I love him so much, it is very sweet to see the guy you love talk about what it will be like to have kids one day.  If I came home tomorrow and said “honey let’s have a baby” he would be up for it.. yeah yeah.. he would be up for “it” but also that lifelong create a human thing too.  So, what do I do?  They think that narcolepsy could be genetic.  So there is a chance that my children would have narcolepsy too.  I will be honest and say that my main concern has been fairly selfish so far.  I’m tired.. that’s no secret.  I hear pregnant ladies say how tired they are all the time, of course they are, they are making a little person.  So, what happens when you have narcolepsy and you are pregnant?  SUPER TIRED!  I’m losing a bunch of weight.. what happens when you get pregnant? You get big!  So far it all seems quite counter-productive..

The medication that I am on is a Category B3 drug.  Which basically means that human data in relation to pregnancy is lacking or minimal.  Testing on animals has been conducted with good results.  But this doesn’t mean everything is a-o-k for people.  So, taking medication whilst pregnant is a risk. I respect everyone’s individual right to make that decision but frankly, it is a risk that I am not prepared to take.

So, I’m facing at least a year (probably longer) where I won’t be able to take my magic stay awake medication.  For every baby that we wish to have.  So, basically, it is going to be tough.  I will struggle to work.  I will struggle to do most things.. all for the sake of a little bubba who will also thoroughly enjoy disrupting my sleep…argh!

The sleep specialist has recommended that we talk to an obstetric physician now so that we know what to expect and our options.  We had a long discussion about whether we would go to the private specialist who sometimes operates from his clinic, or whether we would just go with someone in the public system who was familiar with sleep disorders and the effects of the medication.

As we are not in any immediate hurry to start this arduous journey we said public would be fine (and cheaper).. I am after all, a poor student at the moment!  On our way out the door, he said goodbye and noted that he would send me for that referral to his specialist, I said no, not your specialist the public one.. oh yes of course he says.. as you wish he says..

Now, my sleep specialist charged a whopping $295 for my initial consultation.  For Monday’s follow up, he took pity on me and only charged me a fabulously discounted $130.. Now ok.  I understand the man has fancy pieces of paper and expertise that I should be grateful for..  regardless, I still think this is pretty expensive.

I don’t mind paying for good service.  But what really irks me is to get a copy of my referral from him today.  It is addressed to his specialist (not the public system referral we asked for).. and the letter kindly asks if she could please arrange a catch up with Natalie.. and describes Natalie’s symptoms and Natalie’s wishes… and then correctly finishes with a “would be grateful if Nicole could be reviewed in your clinic”..

I’m fussy.. I have high standards.. I guess I just expect that after paying someone $425 and having 2 lengthy consultations with them that they might actually.. oh.. I don’t know.. get my NAME right and not call me Natalie when my name is actually Nicole.. I’d also like it if they would write me the referral for the public system as requested and not to their internal expensive person.

Fussy little thing that I am!!  Ho hum.. will stop my whinging now, I’m sounding more and more English every minute 😉


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Said nobody..



more drugs…?

Yesterday I met with my sleep specialist for an update and to find out if my MWT results were good enough for me to get back behind the wheel.

There is good news and bad news.  Good news is, my results from the MWT are “normal”, which means that the medication is doing its job.  The microsleep I had in the test period was not long enough to cause concern or disrupt the results.  So, that is good news.

The bad news is, the Dr asks me about my cataplexy and how it has been since starting dex.  I haven’t experienced cataplexy as often as I had before, but it does seem to be a bit more intense when it occurs.  Although I have been quite conscious about avoiding situations where I know it will occur, so less smart arses comments, less centre of attention moments and less silly joking around. (I know…!! devastating!)  The few times I have had cataplexy in the last few months I have actually been sitting down so it has been hard to gauge how strong it is.  But I would say still a bit of knee-buckling, slightly longer in duration, maybe 5 seconds, but no collapse.

He then tells me that I have to be completely cataplexy free for 6 months before I can drive.  I’m stunned.  WHY did he not mention this beforehand?  Here I am thinking, great I’m going to walk in and get the all clear and life will be a lot more normal.  No.

In my initial consultation he said we should focus on treating narcolepsy because cataplexy wasn’t a main concern for us right now.  Well, easy for you to say Doc!  You don’t get your licence taken away do you?

Irritatingly, the medication that works best for cataplexy is anti-depressants.  I was prescribed Fluoxetine (otherwise known as Prozac) when I lived in London for cataplexy.  It worked.  I didn’t experience any attacks when I was taking it.  In the end, it was not really worth me being on an anti-depressant permanently for a small little knee buckle, so I decided to stop taking it.

So now, I have to start again.  Which annoys me, more drugs in my system.  But what can I do?  I either drive or I don’t.  Which basically means we either stay here or we move.  For now, moving is not really an option for us, I have one year left of my law degree.  So I need to stick it out.  So.  I will start taking more medication this week.

Of course I understand that it is important to be safe behind the wheel.  The Dr tells me all kinds of horrible stories.  Such as this one.  I certainly don’t want to be a danger to anyone else or myself. But it is hard not to be frustrated by the situation.  I guess I am also annoyed that he didn’t just say this to me months ago when we first met.  I could be that much closer to getting my licence back.  It often feels like the medical profession are just quite happy to plod along at a snails pace.  Do they not realise that every week, every month, every delay is a delay in someone’s life?

My fiance is having his knee operation on 11 December and he won’t be able to drive for at least 6 weeks.

Aunty Em… Aunty Em….!!!

Effectively this means that the two of us will be housebound for a while, having to rely on friends and family to get around.  I’m going to bust out the pushbike and try to get around a bit on that, might help with my fitness goals too.  Although there isn’t really anything close by I can easily reach.. might end up with a bit of a sore bottom!!

I’m just frustrated with the waiting I guess.  Delay’s like this remind me that I am not well.  Collecting new medication scripts isn’t fun either!  But as always.. it could be worse!!



Mike Whiskey Tango

So, I went back to the sleep clinic on 1 October to re-sit the Maintenance of Wakefulness Test (MWT) this time on medication.

As you may recall, my first efforts were pretty appalling.. or a resoundingly successful test failure as I like to put it (makes me feel better that way!).

So this time I was allowed to have medication during the test period.  The idea of this test is still the same as the last one, I get hooked up to the electrodes (I’m getting quite used to this now).  Then I need to entertain myself for 2 hours and then the technician comes in and I am asked to sit quietly for 40 minutes on a chair with no distractions whilst staring at the wall.

Exciting times.

My sleep technician is a total gem and we had a big chat about what I should do.  So we agreed that seeing as I am allowed 4 pills per day, that is what I will take for this test.  So I had a pill roughly 30 minutes before each testing period is due to commence.

A friend suggested I concentrate on learning the alphabet backwards.  Not because this is a particularly useful skill, but because its tricky and keeps you thinking and might keep me awake.  So I gave it a go.  I nailed it in the first session.. I got really fast at it, to the point where the backwards alphabet started to sound more familiar than the forwards alphabet.

Then my mind starts wandering.. hmm who decided this alphabet order anyway?  Do Greek’s sing their alphabet to the same singy songy tune..?  You know, thrilling, absolute Nobel Prize winning thoughts going on here.  But.. it worked!  I got through the first test.

You’re Nicked!!

Second test.. not so great.. Now that I can scratch “learn alphabet backwards” off my list of things to do before I die,  what else could I do?  I tried to learn the military alphabet.. Honestly I don’t know the correct name for it, but you know. Alpha, Bravo Charlie.. I couldn’t remember it all.  Apparently I didn’t pay quite enough attention during my childhood when my parents were repeatedly watching back to back episodes of the Bill.

So.. during the second test I felt my mind wandering.. in comes dreaming day dream time .. and woooaaah no you don’t.. I manage to sort of snap myself out of it.. thinking possibly a microsleep?  (quick little head nod moment).. not sure.. I’m so incredibly mad at myself I get little pin pricks of tears in the corners of my eyes.  I need to pass this test, or I cannot drive any more.  I need to drive so I can get to Uni, to work, to have any kind of a semblance of a life in this place.

The technician comes in at the end of this 2nd test period shaking her head at me a little concerned.  It is clear I’m struggling, I’m tired.  She says “what is making you so tired?” .. I retort all smart arsey “umm I have narcolepsy!”.. *little cataplexy moment*.. I apologise for being so obnoxious.  We have a really long chat about my medication.  I explain that while it is great, and helps me immensely, I can still sleep if needed.  I still think about sleep a lot, and I can still nap easily after having it if I let myself lay down.  It’s just that the tiredness is easier to fight now.  She says I shouldn’t feel like that on the medication and tells me I need to discuss it with the sleep specialist at my next visit.  She says if she hadn’t seen me take my medication with her own eyes she wouldn’t believe that I had taken it at all.

It’s while talking to her that I can feel the medication start to kick in.  I get a little prickly feeling along the back of my neck towards my shoulders and a tingle in my inner forearm.  Like a little adrenalin rush.  I’m cursing my body for finally deciding to kick in with the goods at this late stage, right after it is needed.

The last 2 tests I did just fine.  I googled the military/police alphabety type thing in the break.  So now I’m all over it.  I race myself with the alphabet backwards as fast as I possibly can.  I say the military alphabet backwards too.  I spell out words in the military alphabet.  I try to find words that spell out as sentences that actually mean something.. etc etc.. I stay awake!

I received the results today.


As you can see, this is a significant improvement from my last MWT.  The notes say that there was one microsleep present in Test # 2 at about 20 minutes in.  However I am hoping.. that these results mean that I can drive at least after taking medication.

I will know after my visit with the specialist on 22 October..

In the meantime, if you ever hear of anyone wanting someone who can rattle off the alphabet backwards, you just point them in my direction!


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Let er rip..!

This week I lost 1.1 kgs.. so in the last few weeks that means a total loss of 3.4 kgs.  I wish I could tell you this was a walk in the park.  It was not.  I was tempted often and yet I largely managed to resist temptation.  I have completed a measly, pathetic grand total of 2 exercise sessions in the last 3 weeks.  So, my laziness has proved one thing for certain.  Diet is King!  I keep hearing “It’s 80% diet” and I think – pish posh.. Never will I pish posh this concept again.

I’ve now lost 7.3 kgs since deciding to do Round 3 of the 12wbt.  In all honestly, I’m rather chuffed with myself.  So much so that yesterday when getting ready for work I took a look at a lovely Ted Baker dress that I bought in London a few years ago.  It has become a permanent fixture in my closet for all the wrong reasons.  It was one of those “ok so it doesn’t fit me now but I’m going to lose weight soon so it will fit me soon and it’s a bargain so I will buy it now because.. did I mention I am going to lose weight” yeah. . it was one of THOSE purchases…

It has never been worn.

Until yesterday.  I actually slinked into that baby.. yep.. Mr fiance man was asking if I needed help with the zip.. No, no I did not need the usual assistance required to smoosh my extra bits of skin into and around the material!  No, there was no little wiggly dance around the bedroom hop hop hopping technique to shudder the chubby bits downwards so they squished into the dress.. it just went.. ZIP !  And away I went.  Feeling like a million bucks.

My lovely little say-hello-in-the-morning-at-the-train-station-man had a brilliant reaction.  “Wow!  You look amazing today, what is the special occasion?”  Beaming, I tell him about my weight loss and how chuffed I am that the dress fits.  Life is good.  I’m so pleased with myself I happily update the facebook page for the Bikini Girls 12wbt group sharing my delight with them.

ooh la la

I get to work, and smugly plonk down at my desk with a big smirk on my face.  And what do I hear..?  A tearing sound.  I look around.. surely.. no!  I stand up and feel my bum.. and feel a nice new tear in the back of my never been worn Ted Baker dress. I promptly sit back down dismayed.. yet another ripping sound.  I hurriedly stand up again and rush myself off to the bathroom to inspect the damage.  It is NOT pretty.  Thank GOODNESS for lining in dresses.  I could kiss whoever invented this.  However, if they are in any way associated to the dodgey slap happy stitching present in the rear of my supposedly expensive dress.. well… A massive tear from the bottom of the zip right down to the split in the hem.. super obvious.  Peachy.

Now.. WHAT does one do in this situation?  I consider if I can somehow get my hands on one of those hundred little sewing kits I am constantly pilfering from hotel room offerings.. can I sew it back?  It appears not, apparently my butt is not quite as tiny as I was imagining?  Blast.  When I sit down the dress goes taut.. and clearly puts a strain on something in this godforsaken poorly designed outfit.. Because surely to GOODNESS it’s the design here.. right? Not my massive bum cheeks or wide hips that are causing this conundrum…

So.. I think of what I can do, I like to think I can be rather resourceful at times.  I have stapled hems that have lasted for years.  Sticky tape has saved me on many occasions, I can bulldog clip and paperclip material left right and centre.  However, this massive tear in my arse region is causing me some major concern.

I text the fiance…  I update the facebook Bikini Girls group with my situation.  I text my ex-work colleague who left last week who is the only person I have really bonded with at work.. I berate her for ever leaving me alone to face these kinds of disasters without her help.

Everyone is amused.  To be honest, even I am slightly amused.  Until I realise its 915am and its inevitable that at any moment my boss will call out and summons me into his office involving a 10 metre strut past all my colleagues.  Someone will notice.

I consider fainting.  I consider just walking out.  I consider running to the bathroom and waiting for the fiance to bring me new clothes.  Bless his little heart, with no prompting from me, he offers to drive the hour journey to my work with an alternate outfit.  He blames the sitting in the cupboard and re-assures me that my bum looks lovely and the dress was actually loose on me.  Design flaw he claims!

Just zipping out to pick up a new frock

I wait until the only guy in our office goes to the kitchen and I frantically call the girls to my desk and work up the courage to tell them of my situation.  They are completely wonderful about it.  “It’s happened to me”.. “but the dress isn’t even tight” “Its a design flaw a design flaw” “you’ve had it hanging in the cupboard too long”.. Im skeptical, but also most grateful for their gushing re-assurance.

So, I model my sexy new modified outfit for them all and we agree that the best plan of attack is to belt to the shops.  So I do.  In peek “fancy business man meet each other for coffee for morning meeting time” I run down Brisbane’s Creek Street and through Queen Street Mall like a possessed woman, I give new meaning to the term “walk of shame” of course I get stopped for what seems like an eternity at every intersection.. which is when I switch to my fake it till you make it mode where I am totally oozing confidence and pretending that the flapping gape in the back of my dress is the latest fashion trend..

I calmly waltz into Portmans, point at my bum and wave my tooshie in the air at the staff.  Everyone laughs.  Bugger it, if you can’t laugh at yourself in such a ridiculous situation what can you do?  So, I buy myself a new outfit (I’m considering it a weight loss treat) and I’m back at my desk within 35 minutes.  I model my newest outfit for the office and everyone agrees the trip was a success.  I’m not quite sure my bank account or my self esteem really agree with this summation just yet.. but what the heck.  I got to wear the hell out of that Ted Baker dress for a good 2 hours!

So, if you see a new trend starting where slits and rips are cut into the bum of otherwise sombre looking corporate dresses.. well.. you can safely say .. you saw it here first kids!!


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Je Comprehends..

Many years ago, an ex boyfriend once said “God isn’t fair to girls, the first place you put weight on is where you don’t want it (like your bum and your thighs), and the first place you lose weight is where you do want it (like your boobs).”  Everyone in the room had a good little chuckle at the irony of it all.

I must confess.  I was confused.  I was about 19 at the time.  The concept of “putting on weight” had, quite frankly, not made itself known to me at that stage.  My boobs were a reasonable size (no complaints) and I fit into all my size 10 clothes with room to spare, I preferred a Size 9 jeans when I could get them.

When I was younger I was constantly asked if I had hollow legs, I ate and ate and ate.. finishing everything on my plate, and on the plates of my brothers and sisters, boyfriends, friends.. I wasn’t fussy.. if it was edible.. I would snap it up.  My favourite snack was either pizza pockets or jacket potatoes.  I’d layer the spud up with cheese, sour cream, mayonnaise and other things that make the now weight conscious me raise my eyebrows and think of calories and measurements and treadmills.

I am the Queen of “No, No, I don’t need new clothes, I’ll lose weight and fit into those jeans I haven’t worn in 2 years”.. Pre 12wbt, nothing fit, my wardrobe has been reduced to the same 4 items of stretchy dark coloured clothing on high rotation.  I’m convinced I look skinnier in black.  Most of my underwear is tight and uncomfortable, I look at some of my bras and wonder how they ever fit.  So, before starting 12wbt I reluctantly bought a new sports bra.. a size 14 much to my dismay.Image

I just put on my “new” bra… and it doesn’t fit anymore! It’s too big..!  Conundrum ! !  Do I cheer that I lost weight?  Or do I feel dismayed that my boobs have shrunk?

I finally understand what my ex was saying all those years ago.. I’ve lost weight from the one place on my body that I was happy to have as a big bouncy blubbering mess.. my BOOBS!

Hopefully my bum & thighs catch on soon…


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